I find myself thinking about what “should have been” a lot lately and I absolutely hate it.
We used to have fun with the phrase “shoulda-been.” In fact, every year we celebrate Sadie’s “shoulda-been” birthday on January 24th. You see, that was her due date – the day when she should have been born. But God had different plans and she was born on November 14th. Whenever January 24th rolled around, it was a way for us to recognize Sadie’s prematurity, but also celebrate how far she had come.
Now, every “should have been” thought is making me cry.
The past couple of months, I should have been clearing out Sadie’s playroom and turning it into Celia’s nursery.
Last week, I should have been 38 weeks pregnant.
Today, I should have been sitting uncomfortably in my office desk chair working to prepare for my maternity leave.
And I know, unfortunately, I’ll be thinking of a lot more “should have beens” in the coming days, weeks and months.
My birthday, coming up on June 12th, should have been the day Celia was born.
I used to love the month of June. Everything awesome happened in June. My birthday. The end of school. The beginning of summer. The Pine Island Cheese Festival. My anniversary. And this June, I can’t help but think of what should have been…
I’m struggling. I’m trying to let go of the “should have been,” so that I can accept “what is.”