A journal entry dated 11/17/07–3 days after her birth

My blog has been neglected the past week, but I am back tonight and am going to share with you something very special I stumbled across a few days ago. The day Sadie was born my mom brought a journal to the hospital for me. She thought it would be a good time for me to write down my thoughts, emotions and to keep track of Sadie’s progress. Well, I wrote once— November 17th, 2007–three days after she was born.

It has been an absolute whirlwind the past few days, but Dan and I are the proud parents of a baby girl:

Sadie Ilene Cinnamon.
Born November 14th, 2007 at 4:00pm.
Abbott Northwestern Hospital.
1 pound, 9 ounces. 13 inches long.

She is a tiny miracle, nothing short of perfect and she amazes us every day with her determination to grow and get stronger so we can take her home with us.

Sadie is breathing on her own today, is off photo therapy, and just started breast milk–getting very small amounts four times a day. We are hoping the milk will help her grow quickly and safely. In the past few days she has gained weight and is now almost 1 pound, 13 ounces. She went off the ventilator and CPaP and looks so content breathing on her own. Everyone in the NICU can’t say enough how beautiful she is… and we couldn’t agree more.

Sadie has had several visitors today. Today her Uncle Phil and Aunt Kayla came. Augusto and Manne Morrone stopped by for a while, too. Doug came to visit Mom and Dad.

Each day Sadie is looking healthier and stronger. We pray this continues and hope for a speedy road home with Mommy and Daddy.

I can’t even begin to truly explain the emotions I have been going through. Although I could not be happier for this gift from God that we have been blessed with, I am overcome with a grief, a longing, a desire to be with my baby girl, Sadie. I have only held her twice and that is not fair. I wish I could bring her home with us tomorrow, but it will be weeks or months until that is possible.

I went on a little walk this evening and looked into the nursery on the floor. The room was busy–full of crying babies and nurses taking care of their every need. A nurse saw me standing there and motioned for me to come in. I am sure she thought one of the babies belonged to me. I shook my head “no” and continued walking with tears filling my eyes. No–my baby is NOT in that room. My baby is hooked up to monitors and will not be going home with me tomorrow.

I know those babies are in the nursery to allow their moms time to rest and recover, but I would give anything to have Sadie in this hospital room with me. I wouldn’t care if she cried all night long. Right now–that would be the sweetest sound in the world.

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One Response to A journal entry dated 11/17/07–3 days after her birth

  1. Kathy Cinnamon says:

    I’m not sure what to say except that you do a beautiful job of writing, Jana – I’m sure it was very difficult to see the babies in the nursery and knowing that yours was in a different nursery and was going to stay there for a while. But she persevered (you & Dan did too) and came home to continue growing in her loving environment. God & the angels watched over her as well.

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