We are parents to another beautiful girl. Her name is Celia Grace Cinnamon. For reasons we will never understand, she is going to be with her Father in Heaven. Our hearts ache, yet we trust in God’s promises.

“You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this

You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His

You’re beautiful.”

-MercyMe

In a few days, something I have been planning for a while will finally come together.

In a few days, I will be surrounded by people who have loved and supported me.

In a few days, young and old will walk together.

In a few days, the city of Bloomington will see something wonderful.

In a few days, a race will be run.

In a few days, I will be filled with joy.

In a few days, it will be Rally Day!

I’m always too critical of how I look in pictures. Was it a good hair day? Should I have been sucking it in more? Why did I wear THAT? And where the heck did that extra chin come from?

Oh well. Enough is enough.

I’ve made a point of handing the camera over to others the past couple of weeks… and I love that someone is there to capture these moments for me.

My aunt Terry made Sadie’s flower girl dress and it was modeled after Kaitlyn’s beautiful gown. There were several fittings involved as Terry had to get measurements for our long and lean girl. All the while, Sadie still had no clue what this fancy white dress was about.

As the wedding date neared, I decided I better start prepping her on what it meant to be a flower girl, so I did what any normal Mom living in 2010 would do: I turned to YouTube. Sadie and I sat around one afternoon and watched dozens of YouTube videos featuring flower girls. Not surprisingly, many of the videos showed Sadie what NOT to do.

Finally, after much anticipation, the big day arrived. Sadie was a champ. She went swimming in the morning with my parents. This tuckered her out and allowed her to take an early nap. She woke up in time to eat some lunch, take a bath, and head to the church. She was excited to get into her fancy white dress again. She was even more excited when she saw Kaitlyn wearing a fancy white dress too!

In prime form, Sadie “hammed” it up throughout pictures. It will be interesting to see what kind of formal pictures the photographer got, because most of the time Sadie was saying “Cheese!” or “Cock-a-lotta-doo!” or “Happy Birthday!” She was definitely feeding off of the laughter from the rest of the wedding party. Besides a brief moment of whining for milk, Sadie was doing wonderfully. Perfectly. Splendidly.

That is… until about five minutes before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. She decided she had enough of it. She didn’t want to carry the basket. She didn’t want to walk. She didn’t want to do much of anything except find some water so that she could water the flowers in her basket. Of course.

Thankfully, the ring bearer was older… and more experienced. Which is not typically a good thing when you’re talking about a boy for your daughter, but in this case–it was perfect. I asked Sadie if she wanted to hold Ty’s hand and that managed to turn things around. She held his hand, grabbed on to her basket, and thankfully, was ready to go.

And here it is:

Ahh… she made it! She sat with me and Dan throughout the ceremony and was a perfect angel reading books and playing with her dolls. That was until I told her she needed to go back and walk up the aisle with Ty. She didn’t really want to go, so I told her, “Go up front and walk out with Ty okay? Then we can go get cake!” …. and it worked like a charm. She hopped out of my lap and walked back up the aisle.

It was an absolutely beautiful wedding and I am so thankful that Peter and Kaitlyn let us be a part of their special day.

It was fun for us to be able to attend the wedding as a family and look back on our own wedding day. We knew our love for each other would grow, but we could never have imagined the love we would feel for each other as parents.

It was fun for us to see Sadie in her element. She is such a people person. Outgoing. Fun. Spunky. I particularly love this picture of her.

I had told Sadie that there would be dancing and she was super excited for it. She told me once we arrived at the reception site, “I want to sing and dance, Mommy!” I managed to get her to hold out on the dancing for a while with the promise of cake again. Yum. But she could only last so long, she wanted to DANCE. “Um, excuse me sir… When is the dance going to start?”

And the music started… and she danced and danced.

And she fawned over Kaitlyn, “Take me home with you!”

“Really! We can be princesses together forever!”

It was a perfect day. Congratulations to Peter and Kaitlyn! And thank you for allowing our little princess to be a part of your magical day.

But even when life gets to a point three miles past Crazyville, I know I need to make time for me–carving out time in my day to fill my cup and to recharge my batteries. As a natural extrovert, I love to surround myself with friends and family during my free time. So although my blog, laundry, and the pile of dishes have been neglected lately–I found time to get together with some of my most favorite women in the world.

Alli, Carla and Kasey are friends from high school. It can be a challenge to find a time that fits all of our schedules, but we finally managed to get together for dinner this past weekend. We ate, gossiped, laughed and joked for several hours.

Since blogs are all about sharing, let me share with you some of the most memorable moments of the conversation. Who said what? I’m keeping that part a secret.

Talking about a guy none of us like: “He’s got to get his poop in a group.”

Gossiping about an ex-boyfriend: “He likes himself too much to kill himself.”

Talking about our dating days: “With Ben, I loved him… Well, I still love him by the way.”

On some friendships: “That’s a friendship I’m trying to get rid of.”

On why one of us shouldn’t ice skate (while pregnant): “It’s common sense. Plus, you have weak ankles.”

About a person that’s not in the right career: “Go be a farmer and pick rock.” Huh?!?

When someone told one of us they felt like a fourth wheel: “The fourth wheel? That’s a full car.”

And my personal favorite… after complaining about the city’s water, we were told to smell it: “Oh yep. It smells pretty watery. You would know it. It’s like water, but MORE.”

One thing to never neglect? Friendships.

It has been an absolute whirlwind the past few days, but Dan and I are the proud parents of a baby girl:

Sadie Ilene Cinnamon.
Born November 14th, 2007 at 4:00pm.
Abbott Northwestern Hospital.
1 pound, 9 ounces. 13 inches long.

She is a tiny miracle, nothing short of perfect and she amazes us every day with her determination to grow and get stronger so we can take her home with us.

Sadie is breathing on her own today, is off photo therapy, and just started breast milk–getting very small amounts four times a day. We are hoping the milk will help her grow quickly and safely. In the past few days she has gained weight and is now almost 1 pound, 13 ounces. She went off the ventilator and CPaP and looks so content breathing on her own. Everyone in the NICU can’t say enough how beautiful she is… and we couldn’t agree more.

Sadie has had several visitors today. Today her Uncle Phil and Aunt Kayla came. Augusto and Manne Morrone stopped by for a while, too. Doug came to visit Mom and Dad.

Each day Sadie is looking healthier and stronger. We pray this continues and hope for a speedy road home with Mommy and Daddy.

I can’t even begin to truly explain the emotions I have been going through. Although I could not be happier for this gift from God that we have been blessed with, I am overcome with a grief, a longing, a desire to be with my baby girl, Sadie. I have only held her twice and that is not fair. I wish I could bring her home with us tomorrow, but it will be weeks or months until that is possible.

I went on a little walk this evening and looked into the nursery on the floor. The room was busy–full of crying babies and nurses taking care of their every need. A nurse saw me standing there and motioned for me to come in. I am sure she thought one of the babies belonged to me. I shook my head “no” and continued walking with tears filling my eyes. No–my baby is NOT in that room. My baby is hooked up to monitors and will not be going home with me tomorrow.

I know those babies are in the nursery to allow their moms time to rest and recover, but I would give anything to have Sadie in this hospital room with me. I wouldn’t care if she cried all night long. Right now–that would be the sweetest sound in the world.

• Sadie telling Dan, “I want a kiss, too!” after seeing him give me a kiss.
• Receiving a bunch of wonderful comments on my passion post from Monday.
• Getting flowers at work from Dan for our 4 year anniversary.
• Going out to lunch and enjoying wonderful conversation with a co-worker/friend.
• Watching Sadie play with sidewalk chalk and pretending to write her letters. I overheard her say “M-O-M.” Seriously. (Genius, right?)
• Enjoying Dan’s famous burgers on our deck last night. Delicious food, perfect weather, and family are always a winning combination.
• Going for a walk around Normandale Lake with a dear friend.
• Bottomless chips and salsa. Need I say more? Well, sharing them with a BFF made it even better.
• Listening to Sadie say almost all of the words of her prayers with me. To top it off–she shouted “Amen!” at the end.
• Walking with Dan and Sadie to the nearby ice cream shop. She pushed her stuffed puppies in her stroller all the way there and would stop to say hello and chat with all of the neighbors.
• Cuddling on our bed and reading books together as a family.

I cherish these moments.

I felt like joining in, but my creativity is lacking right now. I’m pretty sure God gives me a cup full of creativity each morning. But today, I am pretty sure I have about two drops of creativity left in my cup. For some reason, I seem to be drawn to acronyms when my creativity is lacking. So here we go… What am I passionate about?

Profession. My profession–both as a Mom and as a Training Manager (Human Resources). First of all, I love being a mom. Best job in the world. Secondly, I feel incredibly blessed to do make money doing something I enjoy. I love to teach. I am energized when I can actually watch someone learn. That priceless look on their face that says, ”I get it now.” Or, as I like to think they are thinking, “Ah-ha! So this is the missing key of what I have been missing all my life! Thank you, Jana–you a life-saver!”

Aunt. Being an aunt. Okay, so I am not an aunt… yet. But in about 80 days (and hopefully not any sooner), I will be. I cannot wait will wait patiently for the day when I get to meet my little niece or nephew. Without a doubt, I was meant to be a mom. But I’m also pretty sure God meant for me to be an aunt.

Sadie. My daughter. The greatest gift from God that I could have ever imagined. She is so sweet and incredibly smart. I honestly am not sure how I ended up with the perfect child, but I did. I’m pretty much obsessed with her. (This is about the point where I start to freak out about choosing to go with an acronym. There’s no ‘D’ in passion. How am I going to mention Dan?!)

Spouse. Dan! I did it! *sigh of relief* I am passionately in love with Dan and am so grateful to have been his wife for four years. He is a perfect blend of looks, brains and personality. When I think of passion, how can I not think of him?

Interpersonal Relationships. Here’s where I go out on a limb because the word passion does not include an F for family and friends. I believe life is too short to not surround yourself with people and things of excellence. If you are someone I choose to be around, it means you are absolutely special in my book. Thanks for being you.

Out & About. Trying new things. I am not much of a homebody. Give me something new to do. Take me out. I don’t live by routine. I enjoy spontaneity.

Nothing compares to the passion I have for Jesus–the One who is passionate about me.

———–

Please take a moment to enjoy more reflections on passion:

1. Unveiling my Passions on Kate in the Kitchen
2. What am I Passionate About? on Pink Vanilla Cupcakes
3. Putting the P in Passion on Healthy Heart Journey
4. Living with Passion on Nightlight Journeys
5. Passionate About? on Challenge: 1 Year, No Restaurants
6. On Passion on Girl Meets Geek
7. What are you passionate about? on Dajon Design
8. Passion? on Little Animation
9. Passion for Personal History on Our Life Stories
10. Living with Passion on A Fit and Spicy Life
11. Passionately on I am cinnamom
12. Passion on Five Dollars a Day Blog
13. Who’s next?

If you’d like to join us, email Missy from the Marketing Mama with the link to your post: missy(at)themarketingmama(dot)com.

He was sitting talking to my parents; likely catching up on college, track meets and lumberjack competitions. I’m not positive, but I am pretty sure there was a glow around him… like a moonbeam directing my eyes right toward him. But my heart sank when I saw a girl was sitting next to him. His girlfriend I supposed. (Please ignore the fact that I had my own boyfriend at the time. And anyway, turns out she wasn’t his girlfriend.)

I went about my business at the graduation party–talking with friends and enjoying the food, but never without keeping him in the corner of my eye. Would he look at me? Would he talk to me? I would be attending the same college as him in the fall. Would he care?

As the party came to a close, we found each other as we each neared the exit. I remember trying to keep my cool as I said hello. My heart was racing. “My graduation party is on Sunday. You should come,” I blurted out. To my surprise, he said, “Sure. That’d be fun.” I wasn’t sure if he would really come. He lived 45 minutes away and probably had much better things to do on a Sunday afternoon than hang out at his friend’s sister’s graduation party. But he came. And not just for a little while. He was one of the first to arrive… and the last to leave.

I spent the party mingling with guests as any good graduate would do. I savored the moments when he would come talk to me–which happened to be quite frequently. Part way through the party, my mom came up to me and said, “Grandma and I think he’s into you.” I laughed and tried not to think about it. It wasn’t possible. I had my eye on him for the past two years. Whenever he was at my house, I would try to get him to look my way. I had practically written him off as the guy who would never be anything more than a crush.

He stayed after the party to hang out with my brother. I had gone up to my room and was lying on my bed talking on the phone to my boyfriend when I heard someone run up the stairs. I thought it was my brother so when there was a knock on my door I let out an irritated, “Yeah?!”

When I saw it was him walking into my room I quickly jumped out of my bed and shoved my phone under my pillow. He told me he was heading home now, but that he wanted to thank me for inviting him to the party. Playing it as cool as I possibly could, although I’m sure my face was bright red, I said we should try to arrange for a get together before the summer… “You know, for all the people heading to UMD this fall.”And since I tend to hug in situations where I’m uncomfortable, I gave him a hug. Best. Hug. Ever. (Just sayin’)

I remember calling my friend Carla later that night from my parent’s basement–keeping quiet so my parents would’t know I was still up. I told her about him. How enamored I was with him. How I thought there was a chance he could like me too. Should I break up with my boyfriend–a guy I knew was not “the one”? The next day I went on a date with my boyfriend and broke it off. I would be leaving for college in the fall and I said “it just won’t work.” The real reason though? My heart and my mind was set on him.

It didn’t take long for me to track him down. I bugged some of my brother’s friends in order to get his screenname. This was in the hey-day of AOL Instant Messenger. I contacted him under the guise of planning the summer party for UMD students. We started chatting in the evening and didn’t sign off until 6am. That’s when I knew my feelings weren’t unreturned.

I scheduled and eagerly anticipated the party for the UMD students. When the day finally arrived, it was clear that the two of us could have cared less who else was there. Everyone slept over at my parent’s house and the morning after the rest of the people left he kissed me. It sealed the deal.

He spent most of the rest of the summer in Japan for an internship. We stayed connected through emails, instant messaging and well-timed phone calls. We continued dating through college. Inseparable. Smitten. Best friends.

Four years ago today, we got married. I remember the day felt as though a dream had come true.

And it’s only getting better. I love him.